My Place in Mormonism

This is a photo of a group of Cameroon Saints traveling to the Nigerian Temple.
It simply reminds me that the Institution of the Church and its culture are changing more quickly than I can fathom. Big UP! to Cameroon

This post has been brewing for about a year now. It's EXTREMELY disjointed, but I needed to vent. I decided to give life to it when I read this from Armand Mauss:

"As much as anything, then, this .... is an effort to help me understand my own changing relationship to the Mormon institutions and people." (The Angel and the Beehive, xiii)

My relationship to the pure Gospel of Jesus Christ is very clear to me. It's only change happens when my discipleship increases. When that occurs, it seems to be the pattern of God to bestow more light and knowledge upon me; to see if I won't be true and faithful in all things. There are instances where I backslide a little and sometimes a lot, but it is then that the Atoning sacrifice of my God and Savior proffers forgiveness; and I humbly accept.

My love for the Prophet Joseph has always been deep and abiding. I wrote elsewhere that every spiritual blessing that I enjoy is directly and indirectly linked to Joseph Smith. I spoke confidently that if there were a word that existed between praise and worship, then I would like to use it in describing my feelings towards that man.

When Joseph went to the sacred grove to pray in 1820, he went with several things weighing heavily on his mind. One of those things was his own sinfulness, or how to be "saved". And so when the Lord spoke to him, he offered him what his heart desired most saying:

"Joseph my Son thy sins are forgiven thee. go [sic] thy way walk in my statutes and keep my commandments."

First, How incredibly touching that He would speak to Joseph in such a personal way; as well as answering his concerns regarding his sins. Second, How did that make Joseph feel? How does it make any of us feel when we are cleansed of sin? Joseph gives the answer; he said his "soul was filled with love and for many days I could rejoice with great Joy and the lord was with me."

What made this joy possible? Forgiveness. What made forgiveness possible? Jesus Christ and Him crucified. About 2000 yrs ago there was a night in April when all of Eternity hung in the balance. But I do not believe there was ever any doubt that Jesus, being filled with love and compassion for all of us, would fail. No, I do not believe there was ever any doubt. Just the heartache of a Father who allowed the great suffering to take place, and our own sorrow as the comprehension of what He would actually have to endure to complete that which he was sent here to do.

I think we talk about our Father less. That's just my opinion. But I see him in everything I do, and everything I am. It is his Divinity that dwells within me. It was under His direction and under His Power and Authority that all the worlds were created, and the inhabitants thereon who are begotten sons and daughters of God. I am also grateful that in spite of His title as Great Architect of the Universe, he still hears and answers my prayers. And I think that speaks volumes about our worth as His Children.

And now to the Holy Ghost. To be sure, he has been there to teach and enlighten me. He has been sent to me with instructions to teach me and to testify to me of Jesus Christ and of our Father who is in Heaven. He has unleashed a wonderful flood of light concerning the restoration of the Lords Church in this the last dispensation of the fullness of times. But what I appreciate most, is that he is there, even in the "Midnight" hours of our trials and tribulation, to console and offer Peace.

So with the Gospel of Jesus Christ in its proper position and place. I look around me as I try to exist within the culture and Institution of the Church. I wonder where it is that I fit in.

At times I feel uncomfortable. I cannot possibly belong in a Church full of white people who have not seen, done, or been the places I have. (this is hilarious because my wife and Mom are both white)

Now there are about 92 logical fallacies in the paragraph above, I only mentioned two. But I don't want to pick it a part. That's just how I feel. I'll work it out in therapy later. But I wonder if other people feel the same way? If they do, I wish I could talk to them.

I've noticed at times Women talk too much about each other and about stuff in general. Often times it hurts feelings. Men wield power and authority like they are a God unto themselves. And honestly Men, find a decent tailor for your Mr. Mac suits. And buy some shoe polish. I could probably go on. There are a lot of weird Mormon cultural issues. But are they only Mormon issues? Honestly I'd say no. All of humanity does irritating things. Me included. Hell, this post is irritating.

I have a deep affection for the Saints. I am bound by covenant to them and to God. I truly wish for a Zion like atmosphere. And to be honest, I think my selfishness and insecurities prevent that in many cases.

So on to conclusions. I think I should get out of my own way. I think I should love and serve others with more voracity than I have hitherto done. I think people are generally nice. I think Mormons are good people trying to do good things.

I AM PROUD TO BE A MORMON
MY PLACE IS, AND WILL ALWAYS WILL BE WITH THE MORMONS

Big UP!

The Lamanite