"The mission president was J. Howard Maughan, an agricultural professor from Utah State and former Utah State and former stake president. In our opening interview in the mission home in Cambridge he asked if I had a testimony of the gospel. I said I did not. He was not at all rattled. He asked if I would read a book, and if I found a better explanation for it than the book itself gave to report it to him. Then he handed me the Book of Mormon."
First, let me speak briefly about his honesty. I'm commenting specifically on Bushman's statement that he "did not" have a testimony of the Gospel. I have a hard time practicing this type of honesty. To some it may come naturally-- being able to allow others into your lives or being completely transparent, but it is not so with me. I'm not sure if it's sinful pride on my part as much as it is me simply not wanting to be hurt by allowing others in, so as a defense mechanism I usually put on my "mask" when asked "how are you Brother Pauni?", to which I reply in a vernacular that's not my own, "very well Brother Johnson, and you?" For once I'd like to be comfortable enough to say, "I'm actually pretty shitty, and I'm not quite sure whether the Joseph Smith translation process was "loose" or "tight" and it's causing some problems with the Book of Mormon text for me, how the hell are you?" Perhaps some of you are comfortable being as candid and open with authority figures as Brother Bushman, but I am not, and so- I find this quality in him very admirable.
So Brother Bushman now has a mandate from his Mission President regarding the Book of Mormon. He writes:
"I wrestled with the book and wrote long entries in my journal. I thought a lot about the Three Witnesses: were they liars? had they been hypnotized? were they pressured?"
I actually had a much different response to the Book of Mormon. I did not turn to historical evidence, or an overly analytical approach. Instead I turned to the text itself for "proof" or "validation". In my opinion the best commentaries on the scriptures-- are the scriptures. So I dove in. Bushman however, has brought with him a completely different sociological, economical, and educational background to the Book of Mormon equation. So I am not surprised his approach was different.
I tend to "feel" my way through issues. Of course I use my intellect, but I often allow inspiration to outweigh my pragmatism. Nevertheless, my first reading of the Book of Mormon was life changing. I remember the incredibly moving experience I had with Abinadi. I almost felt present during his preaching to King Noah. And while he burned he testified; and because he testified, I was changed! I remember the kinship I felt with Alma the Younger. He gave me hope that I could truly become something better than I was. I wept as the Savior of all mankind gathered the children around Him, and prayed. I felt connected as he invited "all" (even me), to come unto him. I had already become a Christian after reading the Bible, but now I was converted to the Gospel and to Mormonism. I was insatiable at this point. I loved Teancum, and was happy that I was not the only one that would have scaled a wall looking for a target. I cried as I read of Moroni walking around by himself and writing about the Sacrament and the Savior. I knew he was writing to me and for me. I knew then and I know now these things took place. I wish I possessed the ability to completely describe the light and knowledge that dwelt within me. It is a feeling beyond feeling. It is knowing way beyond knowing. It is feeling and knowing at God's level.
After I arrived at this point the Book of Mormon had become a joy and a staple in my life. I have actually only read the book cover to cover 6 times since 1997. I find reading it straight through to be my least favorite way of studying it. I usually study by topic. Textual problems that have arisen since then have relatively easy to resolve. Questions about the translation process have increased and remain a mystery and yet I persist. It's easy for me because I work from a Divine manifestation that the Book of Mormon is true, I simply reconcile historical and empirical data back to the simple testimony that Joseph Smith, The Book of Mormon, and Jesus Christ are exactly what and who they proclaimed themselves to be. Intellectually honest? No. True to the light and knowledge God has bestowed upon me? Yes.
I believe it was at that time I read Hugh W. Nibley's Lehi in the Desert. I also read the Book of Mormon and prayed, sometimes in agnostic form- "if you are God...."
Again, we see that Bushman turns to an agnostic disposition. Notwithstanding his agnosticism, he is exercising faith by virtue of his willingness to pray, and trust, and act on the answer. Again he exemplifies Alma 32.
"After three months, President Maughan came up for a conference, and when it was my turn to speak I said with conviction that I knew the Book of Mormon was right. The reasons that I had concocted for believing were not the difference - though Nibley made a great impression-it was more the simple feeling that the book was right."
This "simple" feeling he experienced reminds me of a scripture. It's actually one of my favorite scriptures:
1Ki 19:11 And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; [but] the LORD [was] not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; [but] the LORD [was] not in the earthquake:
1Ki 19:12 And after the earthquake a fire; [but] the LORD [was] not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.
You see, I got into the Nibley and the likes to satisfy intellectual curiosities. To be sure, Nibley made an impression on me as well, but Mormon apologetics and historical pursuits remain a form of "brain candy". No man or woman can replace the "still small voice". Truly this voice pierces to the heart. It replaces doubt with faith. Jesus of Nazareth declared that he was the "Light" and the darkness "Comprehendeth" it not, and the Book of Mormon is a witness to the world the he truly is that Light.
For me and Bushman, and millions of others--the light within speaks that the Book is true!
Big UP!
Lamanite
Next time: Harvard life and questions aroused.
