Richard L. Bushman-"My Belief"-Testimony and Conversion

Based on Bushman's essay "My Belief"
BYU Studies 25:2 (1985)
All quotes are from this essay unless otherwise noted.

Belief into action!

Perhaps most influential was a gradual merger of personality and belief. By 1976 I had been a branch president and a bishop and was then a stake president. Those offices required me to give blessings in the name of God and to seek solutions to difficult problems nearly every day. I usually felt entirely inadequate to the demands placed upon me and could not function at all without some measure of inspiration. What I did, the way I acted, my inner thoughts, were all intermingled with this effort to speak and act religiously for God. I could no longer entertain the possibility that God did not exist because I felt his power working through me.

There are a few words here that I want to key in on.

1. Seek- Verb. Seeking reminds me of this scripture.

John 1:38 (King James Version)
38Then Jesus turned, and saw them following, and saith unto them, What seek ye? They said unto him, Rabbi, (which is to say, being interpreted, Master,) where dwellest thou?

Like Bushman, the two disciples found a burgeoning faith that was developing as they "sought" the Lord.

2. Felt. Noun, verb. The workings of God deal with both intellect and feeling. Finding a balance is a trick. But I often find that when my intellect is worn out in the search, it's best to follow my heart and the feelings I have.

3. Inspiration. Noun. Simply put this is God revealing himself onto/into Man's soul.

I notice a pattern here, that is often reflected in my own life. Seek, feel, Inspired.

He knew the Book of Mormon was true. He knew the Gospel was true. He had a testimony. Now it was time to become converted. This reminds me of Peter:

Luke 22:32 (King James Version)
32But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.

Peter had already testified to the Lord himself, when he said, "Thou art the Christ", and yet he still lacked conversion. Elder Oaks further clarifies:

Jesus' challenge shows that the conversion He required for those who would enter the kingdom of heaven (see Matt. 18:3) was far more than just being converted to testify to the truthfulness of the gospel. To testify is to know and to declare. The gospel challenges us to be "converted," which requires us to do and to become."The Challenge to BecomeElder" Dallin H. Oaks

I think it is obvious that Brother Bushman was testifying in his ministry, but I think it is also evident that he was converted as displayed in his willingness "to do". I think Bushman's greatest achievement at this point is that he went into action. We can ponder and testify all day, but this is a Gospel of doing and becoming. Proclaim and become was and is the order of the day.

I also take special note of his feelings of inadequacy. They are normal and to be expected, especially in callings like those that Brother Bushman held, but his reliance on the Lord is really what is admirable and worthy of emulation, in my opinion.

Sometimes I toyed with the notion that there could be other ways of describing what happened when I felt inspired, but the only language that actually worked, the only ideas that brought inspiration and did justice to the experience when it came were the words in the scriptures.

His use of the word "toyed" is kind of funny to me. I often "toy" with a lot of silly idea's. These ideas however, are but mere fleeting factoids in comparison with God's sacred scripture. There is no great power in factoids, but there is great power to be found within our canon of scripture. Thus my over inflated intellect benefit's me only in that it allows me to feast upon the everlasting words of life. From President Benson:

It is not just that the Book of Mormon teaches us truth, though it indeed does that. It is not just that the Book of Mormon bears testimony of Christ, though it indeed does that, too. But there is something more. There is a power in the book which will begin to flow into your lives the moment you begin a serious study of the book. You will find greater power to resist temptation. You will find the power to avoid deception. You will find the power to stay on the strait and narrow path. The scriptures are called "the words of life" (D&C 84:85), and nowhere is that more true than it is of the Book of Mormon. When you begin to hunger and thirst after those words, you will find life in greater and greater abundance. "The Keystone of our Religion" Ezra T. Benson

Here we are dealing with a great power connected to God's word. I have felt this power flow into my life. And like Brother Bushman often find myself only able to express the experience in the language of these sacred texts.

Only when i thought of God as a person interested in me and asked for help as a member of Christ's kingdom did the idea and reality fit properly. Only that language properly honored the experience I had day after day in my callings.

Church work more than anything else probably quieted my old question...it came to me in a flash that I did not want to prove the authenticity of Joseph Smith's calling to anyone. I recognized then that the pursuit of Christian evidences was not a Mormon tradition; it was a borrowing from Protestantism and not at a moment when Protestantism was at one of its high points. At any rate, it was not my tradition, and I did not want to participate in it. There was no proving religion to anyone; belief came by other means, by hearing testimonies or by individual pusuit or by the grace of God, but not by hammering.

At the present moment, the question of why I believe no longer has meaning for me. I do not ask it of myself or atempt to give my reasons to others. The fact is that I do believe. That is a given of my nature, and whatever reason I might give would be insufficient and inaccurate. More relevant to my current condition is a related question: how do others come to believe? I would like to know if there is anything I can do that will draw people to faith in Christ and in the prieshood. My answer to this question is, of course, related to my personal experiences. I no longer think that people can be compelled to believe by any form of reasoning, whether from the scripture or from historical evidence. They will believe if it is in their natures to believe. All I can do is to attempt to bring forward the believing nature, smothered as it is in most people by the other natures that culture forms in us. The first responsibility is to tell the story, to say very simply what happened, so that knowledge of those events can do its work. But that is the easy part, the part that could be done by books or television. The hard part is to create and atmosphere where the spiritual nature, the deep down goodness in the person, can react to the story honestly and directly. Some people can create that atmosphere quite easily by the very strength of their own spiritual personalities. It is hard for me. There are too many other natures in me: the vain aspirer formed in childhood, the intellectual fostered at Harvard, the would-be dominant male created by who knos what. But I do believe that when I am none of these and instead am a humble follower of Christ who tells the story without pretense to friends whom I love and respect, then they will believe if they want to, and conversion is possible. Questions may be answered and reasons given, but these are peripheral and essentially irrelevant. What is essential is for a person to listen carefully and openly in an attitude of trust. If belief is to be formed in the human mind, it will, I think, be formed that way.

Well, there it is. Doing equals conversion. Doing and inspiration melts away doubts. Humility and conversion points our hearts towards the happiness of others. Service cleanses the soul. And love for one another is truly evidence of a disciple of Christ.

Much Love and Respect Brother Bushman!

Lamanite

P.S. Thanks for the quasi-objective Biography(I'm glad you could not separate yourself from your Faith while trying to balance it with that of Historian). I came to know Joseph in a way I couldn't have without your efforts!