The Witch
Peasant 1: A witch! We have found a witch! Can we burn her?
Belvedere: How do you know that she is a witch?
Peasant 2: Because she looks like one!
Witch: I am not a witch! I am not a witch! They dressed me up like this, and this is not my nose it is a false one!
[Belvedere pulls off the false nose and opens his helmet]
Peasant 1: Well, we did do the nose, and the hat.
Peasant 2: She has a wart.
Belvedere: Why do you think that she is a witch?
Peasant 2: Well, she turned me into a newt.
[Belvedere gives him a disbelieving look]
Belvedere: A newt?
[Silence]
Peasant 2: Well I got better.
Peasant 3: Burn her anyway.
[Yells of "Burn her!"]
Belvedere: There are ways of telling whether she is a witch. Tell me, what do you do with witches?
Peasants: Burn them!
Belvedere: Now, what do burn besides witches?
Peasant 3: More witches! [receives a punch from Peasant 1; silence]
Peasant 2: Wood?
Belvedere: So, why do witches burn? [more silence]
Peasant 2: Because there made of wood?
Belvedere: So, how do you tell if she is made of wood?
Peasant 3: Build a bridge out of her!
Belvedere: Ah, but cant you also build bridges out of stone?
Peasant 3: Oh, right.
Belvedere: Tell me, does wood sink?
Peasant 1: No, it floats.
Belvedere: What also floats in water?
[lots of yelling and many wrong and random answers including very small rocks]
King Arthur: A duck!
Belvedere: Exactly!
Peasant 2: So if she weighs as much as a duck she is made of wood.
Belvedere: And therefore?
Peasants: A witch!
Belvedere: We shall use my largest scales.
[Having been revealed to weigh the same as a duck, therefore proving her a witch, the crowd goes insane]
Witch: It's a fair cop.
Hilarious! But for some reason it made me think of the sale of indulgences. The reasoning for indulgences is about as logical as the reasoning in the duck and the witch.
"...indulgences are procured by men on earth to reduce the period in which men suffer in purgatory; and since the Catholics teach that the church leaders have authority to designate the term in which the punishment can be reduced, indulgences vary in value, the specific value being designated on the indulgence in years and days...Therefore, Catholics believe that there is a safety or insurance feature in obtaining as many indulgences as possible. "
American Religions and the Rise of Mormonism, Milton V. Backman, pg. 42
The logic is sound. LOL. If a Bishop needed to build a new Cathedral or a small summer Cottage just let the peasants view some relics and pay the fee and they receive the "promissory note" for 100,000 years of time served in purgatory, signed by the Pope himself (Ibid pg, 56-57)
Thank goodness Martin Luther saw the light. His tone sharpened in his Ninety-Five Theses as he said there is no divine authority for preaching that the "Soul flies out of purgatory" immediately as "the money clinks into the money chest." (Ibid pg63)
Anyway, this has all brought into sharp focus for me the need for a restoration; or the realization that witches weigh the same as ducks and God is just waiting for me to stare at a wood chip masquerading as a relic and a C-note to forgive my pride.
Big UP!
Lamanite
7 comments:
Kudos! first of all for such a great reference. All hail Monty! Hallelujah,Hallelujah,Hallelujah!!!...
Whew, I need to catch my breath.
It is sad to see the continued practice of the philosophies of men and the attempt at mingling them with scripture. What is even worse is to see the poor theoretical garbage(like the witch logic)that becomes belief and pseudo truth merely to appease or control the masses. Even within our own church, at least among the lay membership.
I agree, thank the Lord for inspired and insightful men like Martin Luther.
You know you kind of make it tough to argue with. I believe that we have a good commonality in our reasoning and belief system. It's no wonder why I was referred to your site.
If my my mom referred you here I'm going to be irritated. ;-) Did she pay you to patronize me? LOL.
Well maybe one day you can tell me how you found the site.
The sale of indulgences also made me think of Dostoevsky's parable of the "Grand Inquisitor" (if you haven't read it in awhile it's time to check it out), but Monty Python was too funny to pass up.
The scary thing about truth is that we only need to redirect it 1 degree off of center and after awhile we will have traveled far from our intended course. So it is with Satan, he will tweak that which is sacred just enough to remain logical but perverse enough so as to lead the posterity of Adam far far far astray.
Big UP
Lamanite
I shoot straight, I don't patronize. I say it or recognize it as it is. I try to be positive because I'm sick of chat room jerks who hide behind hidden identities. I say it as if I were in your presence. I'm not afraid of confrontation in real life or this fake world. I do like to remain private, because there are too many strange people out there. Even the ones that seem normal like yourself.
My creed is to be true to myself and others. I can hardly stand chatting with others that become so negative. To be usefully critical is good. To be overly critical and tough behind a screen as most people seem to be with their false computer worlds is bad.
A mutual friend of ours in your branch referred me. I'm not in your branch and I'm sure you wouldn't know me if I told you. It wasn't your mother. If she's that supportive of you then that's got to be another reason you seem to have your head on straight. Mothers make a big difference in how we all turn out. The hardest thing is to not take them for granted.
I personally have been at least one degree off course or even more at times, but I do my best to hold fast. I know where the ship should head and know how to get there, however the reality is that I'm frequently treading water or slightly veering off in some other direction that I probably shouldn't. Nothing serious mind you. Honestly, nothing big, but enough to distance myself from the spirit at times.
The greatest trick the Devil pulled was to convince us that he doesn't exist(Your fav. movie reference). Well he makes us believe that he isn't in that one degree of misdirection. Yet it's another flaxen cord that will soon bind us. Just as learning is line upon line, so is losing our testimony or anything good. There aren't too many things that happen overnight. We are generally going to be accountable for our own actions, not too many others we can blame but ourselves.
You'll appreciate this:
""I may not walk the straight and the narrow, but I sure in hell try to cross it as often as I can!"
J. Golden Kimball
I'm singing: "honesty, is such a lonely word." I think that was Barry Manilow.
At least J. Golden Kimball was honest. That probably describes the majority of us out there. I love that quote!
Sione - you probably don't remember me. I went to school with you forever ago. My memories are mostly of grade school because we were in different crowds in high school. I noticed your blog on Jeremy Johansen's facebook and I was curious so I took a look. I don't know why but it made me get all choked up reading your blog. I'm just inspired by what you wrote and it's great to see what a good man you grew up to be! You have a beautiful family also! My family website is ferrarafam.blogspot.com I hope you don't mind that I checked your site out. Angela Johnson (Ferrara)
Hi Angela,
Of course I remember you. I'm so glad you stopped by. I took a look at your amazingly beautiful family and was jealous because of all the wonderful Christmas' you must have. I don't envy your grocery bill though :-)
Thank you so much for your kind and complimentary words. You're right that I am a very great man... in fact I say "dammit" twice a day just so I don't get translated! I'm totally kidding. My Christianity does define me, and my membership in the Church means everything to me. All that is good about me I owe to God, Church, and my Wife.
I read a lot because I have lots of questions; and the more I read the more questions I have, and so I created a blog. I hope you come back often.
Respect,
Sione
PS If you stick around long enough I'll say something heretical and you can call my EQP. LOL
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